Of Onion Rings and Spatulas
by SaphireCatElf
Summary: Nosedive gets bored, and Tanya drags him into a lab experiment. Dun dun dun! Not only does trouble, humor and danger to all fabrics ensue, but there's also a chess game involved! Whoo! Revised.


Disclaimer: I don't own MD:TAS, I own my original characters only.

Summary: Nosedive gets bored, and Tanya drags him into a lab experiment. Dun dun dun! Not only does trouble, humor and danger (to all fabrics) ensue, but there's also a chess game involved! Whoo! Revised.

_Thoughts_

A/N: Thanks to a well-intentioned (yet harsh) review, I finally revised this so it's easier on the eyes, and I added a little more content, not to mention it's even better than before! Thanks, even if it was kinda harsh.

--- Of Onion Rings and Spatulas ---

Nosedive sat in his bed, bored. It was off-season, so naturally he had NOTHING to do, he had already read all his comics, set Duke's hair on fire, turned Mallory's hair green, practically blown up Tanya's lab and shattered Grin's meditation crystals.

It was early June, and Southern California didn't have any activities to accommadate an alien crime-fighting duck from Puckworld. And there was always the fact it was roughly blazing hell outside, and he was a duck, covered from head to toe in feathers, so going outside was one step down from suicide.

"I am so BORED! B-O-R-D Bored!" He exclaimed to himself, flipping over on his bed.

"Hey nitwit, you spelled bored wrong, it's B-O-R-E-D, not B-O-R-D." Mallory said to him, giving him a death glare for turning her hair green.

"Finally get the hair dye out?" He asked with a silent grin.

"NO! This stupid stuff just won't come out! AUUUGH!" She ran away, probably to the kitchen.

Nosedive jumped off his bed. "Well, there's nothin' left to do here so I might as well go annoy someone!" He jumped off the top of his bunkbed, and looked around. "I should really consider cleaning this place up within the next year... Nah!"

He was heading to the Rec Room when Tanya jumped out at him in a hallway.

"Nosedive!"

"WHAT!" He said in exasperation.

"You promised me you'd help separate the blah chemicals that blah blah..." Maybe that's not exactly what she said, but it's hard to be sure when you've fallen asleep.

"Nosedive!"

He jumped. "I didn't do it!" he denied.

"You're right, you haven't yet. C'mon Dive," she grabbed him and dragged him all they way to her lab.

"And this time DON'T combine the nitrogen with my lamp oil and then light it, OK?" she said.

He shrugged. " I just wanted to see what would happen..." he mumbled.

"Ok, grab that spatula over there." He grabbed it, and handed it over. "Ok, now the onion rings." He nodded again, and stretched out his hand. Tanya was about to take it, when... "What a sec, what do you need onion rings for?" He yanked them just out of her reach.

Tanya glared, and snatched them anyways. "I'm hungry! A scientist can't work on empty stomach ya know." She said, munching on one.

"Oh. Well can I have one?" He asked.

She shook her head. "The rest are for the experiment."

She grabbed a vial that had some purple gunk in it. Then, she carefully tipped it and let half the vial fall into a small mixing bowl. She added three onion rings, some green goo, then some blue junk, then red, then she added some salt. "What are doing Tawny, making the world's most unappetizing appetizer?" He asked.

"Duh, nope." She grabbed a bottle marked 'Do Not Touch OR ELSE' and dumped it in. "I'm making a meal-in-one, since we're always so busy fighting Dragaunus, we don't really have a lot of time to cook, so I'm experimenting with different things to make it easier, try this," She handed him a vial. It was half-full with some of the black stuff she just mixed together. "Yuck! No way Tawny!" He said, crossing his arms.

"But _I_ can't, Wing made me promise not to test anything on myself, and Mallory and Duke aren't dumb enough to try it out." She gave him a puppy dog look, and he gasped. "That's my look!" He cried in desperate desperation.

"Please Dive, I'll buy you a video game for your PS2." She bribed.

He sighed, and finally agreed. "Fine, but if I die, I blame you!" She clapped her hands and handed the little vial to him again. He frowned, pulled off the cork and glugged it down. "Well?" She asked with anticipation.

"Tastes kinda like Kentucky Fried Chicken, cool." Tanya jumped. "Yes! Success!" Nosedive started fidgeting. "What's wrong?" Tanya asked, she stopped jumping. "I feel funny... like, after I drink three cappuccinos in the morning..." He said quietly.

"Uh oh." Tanya said, grabbing the spatula. "I was afraid this might happen, Dive, hold VERY still..." He tried, honestly he did, but he kinda forgot and zoomed out the door. "Uh oh..."

---------------

"Nosedive!" Tanya called liked she was looking for a lost puppy. She'd been searching for the energy-bound teen for at least half-an-hour, and still couldn't find him. "Duh-oh, Wing's gonna kill me..."

"Why's 'e gonna kill 'ya kid?" Duke asked. Tanya jump and spun around. "Don't do that! I kinda got him..." She was quiet. "Got 'im what?" He asked, leaning against the wall. "In a sugar-rush kinda phase. You know, like when he has one to many cappuccinos in the morning?" Duke nodded.

"Ok, so what's going to happened?" She fidgeted with her fingers. "Well... I guess I start over from scratch. AFTER I find Dive." Duke's beak dropped. "I don't think that's gonna be necessary sweetheart." Duke stared. "Da, why not Duke?" He pointed behind him, and Tanya spun around... Spun around to see Nosedive, wearing... a ... wearing a... A DRESS? Yes folks, he's lost it.

"Oh boy..." And as the opportunity was perfect for driving anyone crazy, Mallory just managed to show up, asking; "Hey guys, have you seen my new dress? The one that's purple and red and has... FLASHBLADE!" She screamed at him, he took off, she took off after him, Tanya and Duke took off after both of them.

---------------

But what, you ask, have Wildwing and Grin been doing all this time? Well...

"Check." Wildwing moved his pawn in front of his king. Grin moved his queen one space to the left.

"Check." Wildwing sighed. "I hate this game."

_WHOOOSH! WHOOOSH! WHOOOSH! WHOOOSH!_

Maybe you were wondering what the four _WHOOSHES!_ were. If yes, it was Mallory, Tanya and Duke, chasing Nosedive at speeds of up to eighty miles per hour. Wildwing sighed. "Things are getting back to normal I see, whatever 'normal' is anyways."

"Normality is not an easy thing for aliens."

Wildwing rolled his eyes. "Your preaching to the choir, Grin."

---------------

Tanya grabbed Duke by the arm. "We're not getting anywhere here, we gotta re-think this whole thing through..."

So there they were, thinking, when suddenly... "Babes, boobies, have you seen Wing around?"

"NO! Phil, we're a little busy right now." Duke growled back.

"Doing what?" the pot bellied manager asked.

Duke rolled his eyes. "Oh I don' know, maybe chasing Nosedive 'cause he's wearing a DRESS!" Duke yelled.

Now the situation was not only getting out of hand (more so than it already was) but really getting on everyones' nerves, when Nosedive and Mallory decided it would be a good time to come around for seconds.

_WHOOOOOOSH_

_K-THUNK_

_K-BAMB!_

The _WHOOOSH_, was Nosedive and Mallory flying by, the _K-Thunk_, was them picking up Tanya and Duke and making them fly, which (even though they're ducks) they can't do. The _K-Bamb_, was them hitting the wall, as the corridor had ended.

Phil stood speechless for a moment. "I got a brilliant idea! I gotta go find Wing!" He scurried to who-knows-where. All the while, Tanya and Dukes problem still persisted. Until, that is, the drink started fading, which of course made Nosedive stop, which of course made Mallory fly into him at about roughly a hundred miles-per-hour.

_CRASH!_

_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP_

The _CRASH_, was Mallory hitting Nosedive, the _RIIIIIIIIP_ was, -dun dun dun! Mallory's dress ripping.

"MY DRESS!"

"MY EXPERIMENT!"

"MY DIGNITY!"

"MY VIDEO GAME!"

Just then, Wildwing and Grin decided to make an entrance. "Hey guys, whats up?"


End file.
